...being the blog of steve kirkendall egomaniac-about-town

03/08/09

Lardwatch #20 (the incredible shrinking man*)

Painting of fat Steve Kirkendall bursting out of picture frame

Further to my catalogue of last week’s debachery, I have been informed that Stella Artois have not quite finished replenishing their stocks that I ravaged. And many cows have been slaughtered to again fill the world with the hamburgers I took away from you all with my ravenous appetite. And yet… strangeness is piled upon strangeness like a plot from ‘Lost’ as… I have gained no weight, but instead have shed another pound! I know, I can’t believe it it either!

So what is my secret? Well, I think eating sensibly (and not a great deal) during the week with only miniscule treats (tiny bits of chocolate, no booze) has helped me achieve this. But I’m still waiting to get on the scales, see another great result, then the words “Just Kidding” flash up, before the scales whirl off the register and reveal my true, horrific weight gain.

Or maybe there’s a painting of me in my attic that’s getting slowly fatter…

(*Yes, I’m fed up of those lame weigh-puns, too.)

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Comments (1)

Jessica said on Aug 5, 12:45 pm:

Hi Kirk,
Your idea actually seems to be pretty good. I follow a similar routine- I go on a diet throughout the week, and if I’ve been a really good girl, I treat myself with some delicious pastry over the weekend.

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